Im Jacquelyn, and I'm a fatty

Being fat sucks.  For me at least.  No offense to those out there that are large, in charge, and loving life.  But if there is one thing I can accept, it is the fact that will never be me.  I'm tired of having blowouts in my jeans on my inner thighs.  I would like to be able to take a bath without becoming a human dam in the tub.  It would be wonderful to not leave whatever I forgot upstairs because I would have to actually climb said stairs to retrieve it.  So, down with fatties.  Or, at least, this fatty needs to get down.  Enter the juicer.  The box arrived today and I have been too afraid to open it.  Just the picture strikes enough fear into my heart that I feel like I am looking Freddy Krueger in the face.  Juice fasting sounds like the single most inspired idea I have ever had, and the most asinine, far fetched joke invented, at the same time.  Luckily my best friend is just as idiotic and brilliant as I am and we can suffer together.  Go team.